I Don’t Wanna

I am having a hard time doing things lately. My job is stressful and I used to love this job, but now it is stressful and I feel like I am failing.

Being a mom is hard. So much harder than I thought it would be.

If I quit my job, there’s no reason to keep my baby in daycare anymore. That would mean I have a new full time job of being a stay at home mom.

I love my daughter but she’s a handful right now. We aren’t even into tantrum phase but she has so much energy and get into everything and does throw fits if you take things away from her (like choking hazards). So my days would be following her around the house making sure she doesn’t hurt herself.

Inevitably she’d still hurt herself. OR I’d make her cry by taking away things – or moving her away from the dog’s water bowl again and again, all day long.

I wouldn’t accomplish anything else around the house.

I’d still feel like a failure.

How do all you mom’s out there do it? Work? Stay home? How do you not feel like you are failing? I’m really struggling at the moment.

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These are NOT New Years Resolutions

These are NOT New Year’s Resolutionsbitmoji1105603469

I don’t really believe in New Year’s Resolutions. I think we all overdo it around the holidays and use the New Year as an excuse to detox a bit from the overindulgence. But far too often we give ourselves lofty unsustainable goals that we fail to attain and get discouraged and fall back into our old habits defeated and forlorn. 

NY-Resolution

 

So these are NOT New Year’s resolutions…

BUT

I had a crazy 2017. Becoming a mother for the first time in April. Trying to figure out my new life/role as a full-time mom with a full-time job.

Experiencing the ups and downs of new motherhood, and lots and lots of body changes. Losing (most of) the baby weight. Boobs filling and deflating with breastfeeding. Trying to figure out what I can eat that doesn’t upset baby’s tummy.

Then I had foot surgery right before Christmas. I have been mostly sedentary for the last 6 weeks. Just this week I started physical therapy.

A couple weeks after my foot surgery we had back to back illnesses in my house which you can read all about in my last blog post. Somewhere in the middle of all that stress and sickness, my milk supply dried up and I stopped breastfeeding altogether.

So needless to say I have had a lot of changes to my life, my body and my schedule in the last year. 

Now that I have stopped breastfeeding and am no longer trying to keep a milk supply up.

Now that I am in the active healing phase of my foot surgery, starting some light exercises on my foot.

Now that I am (mostly) over my head cold that has knocked us all around the last few weeks.

I feel ready to try and reinstate some of my old habits that kept me healthy, both mentally and physically, prior to baby.

I don’t expect to return to my old life. I don’t want to. I love being a mom. I will never have the freedom over my schedule that I used to (at least not until the little ones are out of the house). But it is time to find my new normal, which needs to include some healthy habits. As much for my mental health as my physical health. 

So here’s my starting point:

  • Break my sugar addiction. This is a big one. I have a BAD sweet tooth. It had gotten to the point where I was eating gross store-brand cookies that WEREN’T EVEN GOOD. But they were sugar and I needed a fix. SO for the month of February I have committed to cut the sweets. Of course there’s been sweets in the break room every day since! 28 days to break a habit they say. Perfect. We’re at day 7, so far so good.
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Had to turn down this delicious looking treat 
  • Establish a gym routine. So I haven’t started on this one yet. I need to sit down with Beau and we need to make a plan because we both value gym time and need to figure out a way to take turns. My plan is to talk to him about this in the next couple days and start this weekend. exercise
  • Reduce my carbon footprint. So this isn’t as much for my own health as it is for the health of the world. But I believe that we should all have at least one goal that gives back in some way to our community and/or world. So I am committing to take the  bus more, and eat less meat. My plan is to give meat up entirely for Lent. I am not Catholic, but I like partaking in Lent anyway. And thereafter choosing meatless options for lunches and anytime I go out to eat.

public transit

 

Anyone else out there make goals for the year? How are you doing on them?

Daycare Drama

Picking a daycare for an infant is no easy task. If you live in a big city, it can also be quite competitive. A friend of mine, we’ll call her Julia, had a baby one year prior to me and advised that I look immediately and get on wait lists as soon as I know I am pregnant. So I took her advice and got on a list pretty early on, before I had told most people that I was pregnant. At the time the daycare said their wait list was around 9 months out, which would be perfect timing with my maternity leave.

Julia was using a woman who lived near us and had an in-home daycare and she LOVED this woman, whom we will call Claire. Claire was also half the cost of the daycare whose wait list I was on. Julia insisted that I must use Claire and offered to tell her about me and “get me in” with her.

This sounded great to me. Paying half and much and having a word of mouth recommendation sounded perfect. 

Every so often Julia would tell me that she was telling Claire about my pregnancy. How far along I am, how I am excited to use her to watch my little one. Everything sounded great.

And then things got weird. 

Around January (I was due in April) I asked Julia for Claire’s phone number so I could start coordinating with her myself.

Julia got weird about it and said she’d “ask” Claire if it was okay if she gave her number to me. Which had me a little worried, after all, why would Claire be mad at Julia giving me her number if she’s expecting to care for my child? 

When I followed-up about the number, Julia said she forgot to ask if she could give me her number, but that Claire isn’t sure yet if she’d have a spot for me and so I didn’t need to “waste my time” calling her about it yet?!

WHAT?!

So this whole time she was assuring me that I’d have a spot with Claire and suddenly she’s not so sure… I was PISSED and confused and I panicked.

So I reached out to another friend, we’ll call her Wendy, who also had a baby about a year before me (her daughter and Julia’s son were about the same age). These two were not friends but were mutual acquaintances. I asked Wendy if she had found a daycare for her daughter (at first Wendy’s mother was watching her, but I knew she was looking for another option). Wendy knew that Julia was going to get me in with Claire and so asked what happened there. So I told her that Julia was suddenly being weird about it and wouldn’t give me Claire’s number.

I suppose I shouldn’t have said anything to Wendy. This was my mistake. 

Wendy reached out to Julia and called her out for not giving me Claire’s number. BIG DRAMA. SO then Julia confronts me about talking shit behind her back. She gives me Claire’s number but says she’s going to “stay out of it now” and stop talking to Claire to try to get me in with her.

So I guess it’s my fault now. 

So I call Claire. And she is elusive as to whether she will have a spot available. Apparently she had some older kids who should be starting kindergarten at the end of August, but she hadn’t confirmed with their parents that they will stop using her daycare services. I needed daycare starting mid-July anyway.

And now I was only on ONE list because I trusted my friend and counted on getting in with Claire. Another mistake. 

I never brought it up again. I actually don’t know where the breakdown was with Julia. If she had second thoughts about me getting in with Claire After all, her son was the youngest there, and my baby would probably need more attention in the beginning, which might take away from her baby. 

Maybe she wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to use Claire and so she didn’t really push it with her, not wanting Claire to save a spot for me and then have me back out, she didn’t want to risk souring her relationship with her son’s provider.   

But this is really just me making excuses for her. 

Luckily the one daycare list I got on came through and we were fine.

Needless to say, I have learned my lesson with Julia. We were pretty new friends when I first got pregnant, and now that I know her better I see a side of her that I have to keep an eye on. She is very competitive. Detrimentally so. She is unfortunately not a trust-worth friend.

In some ways I feel sorry for her. She is so insecure and constantly compares herself to others. I figured out a long time ago to not compare myself to others. Some days I still struggle with it, but mostly I am happy with who I am. Constantly comparing yourself to others is exhausting. Everyone you meet will be better than you at something, and worse than you at other things.

Why do we women do this to ourselves? Have any of you had a similar experience with a friend, or another mom? How did you handle it?

The Return To Work

I was on the bus last week with a neighbor of mine, heading to work. He said he recently met someone who works for Microsoft and found out they offer their employees 6 months of PAID maternity leave! That sounds AMAZING. maternity leave

I took the typical maternity leave route of applying for FMLA, and draining my accumulated paid leave time in order to still get a paycheck while out for the (maximum) 12 weeks of leave. Twelve weeks is just shy of three months and not nearly enough time, if you ask me.

Technically my body had (mostly) healed from giving birth and I was capable of working again. I even felt somewhat ready to face the world and be more social and get out of the house. But jumping back into an 8 hour work day? More importantly, leaving my teeny tiny 12 week old baby for 8 hours in daycare? It was ROUGH. 

Like I mentioned in a previous post, she was colicky in the beginning and had a hard time laying down to sleep. 12 week old babies are just so helpless, and with 7 other babies in the room and only two adults between them, I knew my precious little baby wouldn’t get a whole lot of attention.

Why is it that other developed nations have figured out how to let new mothers (and fathers) stay home with their new babies for a full year before returning to work? 

Furthermore, many of these nations have affordable, or even free, daycare options!

mater

For a nation that claims to value babies and families, we really don’t act like it.

As in all things, actions speak louder than words.

When we say we care about children, but struggle to continue to fund CHIP (Children’s Health Insurance Program) we are showing where our priorities really are.

When we say we care about children, but block LGBT parents from adopting children who are otherwise stuck in foster homes we are showing where our priorities are.

When we say we care about children and pregnant women, but we pull out of the Paris Agreement and de-fund the EPA we are allowing excess toxins into our air and water, babies and pregnant women being the most vulnerable to toxins, we are showing where our priorities really are.

When we say we care about children, but no meaningful gun laws have been passed, and at least 1000 more children have died by gun violence, since the Sandy Hook shooting. We are showing where our priorities really are.

When we say we care about women, but 1 in 3 women are physically abused by an intimate partner.  We are showing where our priorities really are.

When we say we care about women, but actively work against their best interests and block their ability to get the healthcare they need. We are showing where our priorities really are.

These are just a few examples of how we fall short of caring for our women and children in this country. So it is really no surprise that we don’t care about a child and mother in the first year of the child’s life.

Our actions speak louder than words. 

I have also been disappointed to hear older women complain that we have it so much better than they did. We do. I am so grateful for the fact that my employer couldn’t fire me for getting pregnant and taking leave. But aside from being guaranteed a job to come back to, we really don’t get much more help. Some of these women seem to feel some resentment toward the women of today for getting it (slightly) easier than they did. But I think we can do better. We can hope that it gets even better for the next generation after us, and not feel resentful when our nation shows progress. women

Seriously though, if  you Google image “women today meme” you will see a slew of sexist, violent, hateful memes that make me want to vomit. Clearly we’ve come a long way.

But I digress…

I will say that there are many, many ways that I was lucky during this time. I acknowledge that even having access to daycare and the ability to go back to work is not something every woman has the luxury of, even today. My work was also flexible with me, so I was able to do a bit of work from home during the first couple of months, so I didn’t have to leave Dolly at daycare for 8 hours straight. Also, daycare was in close proximity to my work and I was also able to visit her on my lunch break to breastfeed her.

Even with all of these luxuries, it was still HARD. I didn’t want to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to return to work and I am very glad now that I did. I think it’s better for both of us. I also know it would have been hard no matter how old she was. But there is a huge difference between 12 weeks and 6 months. If European countries can give a full year, why can’t we be HALF as accommodating?

We can do better. We must do better. 

Mothers out there, what was your experience like? How soon did you go back (if at all) and how did you cope?

Everything AND the Kitchen Sink!

It’s been a rough month for my little family, so I am a bit behind on any lifestyle changes I have been hoping to implement this year. But I have a pretty darn good excuse…

I had foot surgery on December 18th :/ 

foot 1
December 19th. Day after surgery

Two years ago I tore I ligament in my foot playing soccer. At first they said it would heal on it’s own and had me wear a boot for 8 weeks. Then I started physical therapy, but it wasn’t healed. Then they told me to stay off of it again and give it longer to heal, so I did. But it didn’t heal. Then I got pregnant and ignored it for a long time. I could still walk and run on it without pain, but later in the evening I would get pain and swelling. I also could not go up on my toes at all, the torn ligament was the lateral collateral ligament in the side of my foot by my big toe.

Capture

 

So I was able to live with it, but not able to be as active as I’d like (planks were a no, as was yoga, calf raises, push ups…turns out you flex your toes back for a lot of things).

foot 2
January 14th. Healing underway

 

The surgery was the week before Christmas. I was completely non-weight bearing for the first week and then was able to hobble around putting light pressure on my heel, being sure to avoid pressure on the front of my foot.

Did I mention Baby Doll is crawling???

And pulling herself up to standing?!?!

esme standing
This was taken December 10th

So that has been mighty tricky. Baby Doll started crawling a couple of weeks before the surgery. I knew it was going to be hard, but I wanted to get this over with before she gets even more mobile.

After I scheduled my surgery, my dad was cleared to fly. He is in poor health and was having foot issues related to diabetes. So he, too, had to have foot surgery last year and wasn’t allowed to fly until recently. So he also hadn’t met baby yet and was anxious to come visit. So he came over Christmas and helped out (kind of). He was good at cooking me meals and somewhat watching baby. But he wasn’t great at watching baby because he cannot get up and down off the floor with her. He was also not great at cleaning up after himself in the kitchen – BUT I cannot complain because I didn’t have to cook myself anything (or pay for any of the groceries) while he was in town.

Esme and papa bu.jpg
She’s super interested in faces right now

THEN, On Christmas Evening, the shut-off valve under our kitchen sink broke! On Christmas. The shutoff valve! So water was leaking everywhere and we couldn’t shut it off to that one sink, so we had to shut off all the water to the entire house! On Christmas!

So no plumbers were available. No hardware stores were open. And none of us could shower, or flush a toilet, until we got it fixed… 

Luckily my dad is also pretty handy with plumbing. The next morning he and Beau took a trip to Ace Hardware and had it fixed in no time.

kitchen sink
Dad on the floor. Notice his foot is still in a boot from his surgery.

But beware! If you have one of those faucets that detaches with a hose and lets you spray water around the sink, the loop that hangs down under the sink can snag on the shut-off valves. Yank too hard to pull the faucet out and over time it will wear it down and eventually snap off. On Christmas.

But that’s not the end of it… Boy oh boy…

By the end of the week, Dolly had come down with Roseola. At first we just thought she was teething because she was feverish and fussy but otherwise seemed fine. But by Friday she was breaking out in a rash and so Saturday it was a trip to the pediatrician to see what was going on. Luckily it is self limiting and you just have to let it run its course, medicating with tylenol, ibuprofen or other fever reducers that are safe for babies.

So through that she started sleeping terribly again. Like up every two to three hours screaming and not wanting to be put back in her crib. It was exhausting.

So of course the next week Beau gets pink eye, because we’re whipped and sleep deprived and immunity is low… He finally goes to a doctor last Thursday because it still wasn’t totally cleared but the doc said it was pretty much through so not to worry.

Then that night he starts feeling worse and having G.I. issues. By the next day it’s chills, body aches and fever… Yup. He got the FLU! I know. This is getting to be ridiculous. So he goes to the urgent care clinic and gets on Tamiflu but doctor says he is still contagious for three days. So I had a nice long weekend (MLK Jr. Day) with Beau quarantined to the upstairs and me on full-time baby duty.

Good thing he was no longer contagious by Monday night. Because I thought I was going to die from lack of sleep and just general exhaustion.

Let’s not forget that I am still limited with my foot. And it’s my driving foot so I can’t drive. And I can’t carry a baby down our porch steps even if I could drive. So I didn’t leave my house from Friday after work until Tuesday morning. Rough.

Get your flu shots. Even if they are only 30% effective. 

I got mine. Dolly got hers. Both of us avoided flu. Beau did not get his shot this year and we all suffered because of it.

So you can see why I haven’t attempted to take on anything else in my life right now.

Sorry this turned into such a long post! How was your holiday? Hopefully better than mine…

Birth Story

It’s interesting thinking back 8 months later on my birth and writing it out now. I think this post would have looked different had it been right after giving birth, but with a little perspective I hope this post just highlights the important moments and decisions along the way.

Like all first mom’s-to-be, I had a well thought-out birth plan that I intended to stick to. It wasn’t anything crazy. Just a few reasonable requests:

Labor:

  • Skin to skin immediately and for first hour
  • Heplock in forearm rather than hand or elbow by phlebotomist
  • Please do not offer pain relief unless I ask for it.
  • As long as Baby is doing well, I prefer that fetal heart tones be monitored intermittently with an external monitor or doppler
  • No routine cervical exams. Prefer not to be told how many centimeters dilated I am.

If a C-section is necessary:

  • If C-section is being discussed, please have Beau and Hannah (Doula) get in scrubs
  • Suture not staple preferred
  • I’d like Beau to stay with me when possible, then stay with the baby. If Beau goes with the baby, have the Hannah come stay with me.

Postpartum:

  • I’d like a room away from nurses’ station
  • Please do vital signs for baby and mom at the same time when possible.

Feeding:

  • I would like to meet with a lactation specialist after birth

 

I wrote this up and printed it off about a week prior to my due date. I was all ready (or so I thought) with my bags packed and my birth plan and my doula. My story begins two days before my due date, April 24, 2017

4/24/2017

12:00pm: Two days before my due date I decide to treat myself to a labor inducing massage. I didn’t really believe that it would put me into labor, but I thought it couldn’t hurt to have a nice massage and if it sped things up then great!

But man oh man, it was a little more intense than I anticipated and that night I felt a little bit sore.

4/25/2017

7:30am: I woke in the morning to find that I had lost my mucus plus. So naturally I Googled it and saw that it could be hour to weeks after loosing the mucus plug before you actually go into labor.

I texted my doula to let her know. She responded advising me to go back to sleep and take it easy as much as I could the rest of the day.

Oh had I only listened to the person I was paying to help me through my labor, who had assisted in over 300 births. But the internet said it could be weeks! So I didn’t want to take any precious sick time. Hindsight is 20/20…

So I go to work and I work on getting all my stuff squared away and tidied up, just in case my labor really begins.

12:00pm: I think I am starting to feel contractions… kind of. They aren’t painful but they are different from the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been feeling for weeks.

They are still very sporadic and far apart and I am starting to get a little excited, but also trying to not get my hopes up because again… women can feel sporadic contractions for a long time before true labor begins…

3:00pm: I think my contractions are getting closer together. I am trying not to time them closely. Trying not to obsess about it, because apparently that can slow things down. I decide to leave work early because my boss was out of the office anyway.

I call Beau and let him know that maybe, possibly things are happening and I am going home but he doesn’t need to rush because things aren’t REALLY happening but he should definitely pick up some food on his way home, and extra for left overs.

6:00pm: Beau brought home Pho from one of our favorite Vietnamese restaurants. The rest of the night is very uneventful and my (non)-contractions slowed down to a stop.

So surely nothing was really happening yet.

10:00pm: I had sent Beau to sleep in the spare room because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be up and down with sporadic contractions all night and didn’t want to keep him up. I wanted him well rested in case something happened. Well… something happened!

My water broke! Just as I was laying down to sleep – woosh!

So much for well rested!

I go downstairs and wake up Beau (yes, he falls asleep when he hits the pillow – bastard).

Me: “Hey, my water just broke”

Beau: (a bit disoriented coming out of sleep) “Okay. Okay, okay…. okay” as he climbs out of bed and starts putting on his shoes.

Me: “Wait, we don’t need to leave for the hospital yet. Let’s call Hannah (doula).”

Beau (now waking up a little more): “Oh, okay. I thought we were supposed to go if your water broke.”

Me: “Well, yes but not really. Let’s call Hannah and see what she says”

Hannah said to hang tight and let her know when my contractions are close together and I think I need some help. And no, I didn’t need to rush to the hospital just yet.

Beau and I decide to bake some cookies to take our mind off my contractions – which started pretty light and easy.

4/26/2017 (my due date)

1:00am: I feel like I am ready for the doula. My contractions are getting stronger and closer together. A lot of the pain is in my back and Beau has been massaging my back while I bounce on a pilates ball.

Hannah arrives and I ask her to check my cervix. I don’t want to be checked a lot, but I am curious where I am at. I am starting to leak a lot of fluid with each contraction. Hannah thinks I am dilated to a one or a two. Still a ways to go – but it hasn’t been long.

As the night wears on my contractions are getting stronger and closer together. Still a lot of pain in my back, which I had failed to mention to Hannah (second mistake). At one point she asked if a lot of the pain was in my back. “it’s all in my back” I said.

I labored for a while on my hands and knees, trying to do the belly lift to change her position, didn’t work.

I labored in the shower with Beau rubbing my back. No help.

I labored in the tub, but that was the worst decision of all. We don’t have a big water heater and the water was not hot enough. It was cold. Beau and Hannah started boiling pots of water on the stove to dump in the tub for me. It wasn’t great.

5:00am: Now my contractions are really intense and they are coming every minute if I am lucky, but a lot of them are coming on top of each other. Things are escalating. Hannah says it’s time to go to the hospital.

This baby is on it’s way! I think to myself.

Trying to get my dressed was a challenge. Each time I put on underwear I would have a contraction and more fluid would come out and wet my pants (glamorous, I know). Finally I was able to get on a try pair of underwear and pants with a giant pad so I didn’t leak everywhere.

I can barely make it into the car because my contractions are coming so close together I am convinced I am going to have one in the driveway. Good thing it’s 5am and dark out and no one is around.

Beau pulls up to the front doors. There’s no valet at 5am at the hospital so he parks illegally by the front doors to help me in and intends to go back and move the car once I am settled. Hannah has followed in her own vehicle.

We go up to labor triage to get checked in. They check me and let me know that my water has, indeed, broke (It was pretty clear it had, but they have to check anyway).

Then they check to see how far dilated I was….

wait for it…

1

One

ONE?!!?!?!

You have got to be fucking kidding me!

I tell Beau that I can’t do it. I feel so defeated. My contractions are giving me no breathing room, no chance to catch my breath and regroup. It’s rough.

Apparently when your baby is posterior, or sunny-side-up (the cute way of describing a NOT CUTE AT ALL situation), baby’s head is pressing against your tailbone causing a lot of back pain. Baby’s head is supposed to be pressing against your cervix to help it dilate open. So with no pressure on the cervix and lots of pressure on the tailbone, there no progression and lots of pain. And apparently no real good way to fix it.

There are lots of internet sites out there claiming to have strategies for fixing this scenario, but unfortunately the research says there’s not much to be done.

Of course I didn’t know this in the middle of labor, else I would have asked for the epidural MUCH sooner. Instead I went on to labor at the hospital in their tub for several more hours before finally asking for the epidural.

10:00am: I get the epidural. And it helped. Too well. I almost immediately feel comatose from the waist down. This was better than the pain I’d been having before, but it was still uncomfortable enough that I wasn’t able to sleep (which they told me to try to do).

At least Beau and Hannah got to nap while I lay there resting.

Around this time my OBGYN comes in and checks my cervix. I have made it to a 4. Boy am I glad I went for the epidural. I will be even more glad later – but we’ll get to that…

I am so uncomfortable from the waist down that I ask if they can lower my epidural strength. They start everyone at a 10.

The anesthesiologist comes in and is reluctant to reduce the dose, saying they don’t want my pain to come back. They do lower it to an 8. I still can’t feel anything

2:30pm: Around this time my OBGYN comes to check me again. She informs me that I have dilated to a 10 and can start pushing!

Hooray!

OBGYN: “Try pushing against my fingers”

ME: “What fingers”

OBGYN:”Can you feel anything?”

ME:”Nope, I am completely comatose. I asked them to reduce the dose and they did but it didn’t help”

OBGYN: “Let’s get them back in here…”

In all the anesthesiologist comes back three times to reduce me to 2 before I start getting feeling back and can start pushing.

and pushing….and pushing….and pushing…

4:30pm: They want to start Pitocin because I am not progressing fast enough. I am reluctant because I’ve heard it makes everything more painful. And if I increase my epidural I am afraid I wont be able to feel to push. Finally though I relent, because I fear that we will end up in emergency c-section if I don’t get this baby out faster.

They start the Pitocin and increase the epidural to a 4. This seems to be the perfect balance. I can still feel but it’s not painful.

I have, however, at this point been awake for 33 hours. And I am starting to feel exhausted. 

But I keep pushing… and pushing… and pushing

and FINALLY….

8:05pm: She’s here! She finally makes her screaming entrance into the world. They lay her on my abdomen and she poops on me. It was perfect. 

They cut the cord so I can hold her higher in my arms and get to work on stitching me back up.

I think we’re home free, but here’s where the real fun begins…

My placenta isn’t coming out. It’s not budging at all.

9:00pm: They finally say that the placenta NEEDS to come out. Like NOW. And they proceed to un-stitch me, and reach in to manually extract it.

in pieces.

several pieces.

This part was the most acutely painful part of the entire experience. They were ripping my placenta away from the wall of my uterus with their fists.

I guess I can cross fisting off my bucket list (joking).

Thank God I got the epidural. I cannot imagine what that would have felt like un-medicated.

MIDNIGHT: We finally make it to the maternity ward sometimes around midnight after they removed my placenta, re-stitched me back up, and made sure I wasn’t going to hemorrhage.

I had been awake around 40 hours. I was exhausted.

But I had a healthy baby that was finally here. I would do it all again…

Differently…. I would do it all again differently. Hindsight is 20/20

 

 

 

 

 

SO…Motherhood is no joke y’all

Wow… sorry I have been MIA for the last 8 months. I don’t know how I thought I could be a full time mom with a full time job and keep up with a blog. I apologize to anyone who was reading my blog and worried about me at any point in the last eight months. I am doing great – mostly. There’s a lot to catch you up on and I will backtrack and post some more detailed entries of what has happened and what I learned over the last 8 months. Here’s some highlights:

Esme newborn

4/26/2017: My sweet baby girl came on her due date! I know that never happens, but it did for me. Relatively few complications but man it was still rough. Details to come.

May-June: Many trials and errors with a colicky baby with a sensitive stomach. Not a lot of sleep. Luckily I have the sweetest husband ever who helped with night shifts so I didn’t go crazy.

July: Back too work much, much too fast and trying to figure out the whole pumping at work thing.

September: Changing daycare – I love the one she is at now. Plus learning to roll over

October: Supplementing with formula – my milk supply couldn’t keep up with pumping at work 😦

November: Solid foods, crawling and hand, foot and mouth disease

December: Merry Christmas to me, I need foot surgery and my baby can crawl and pull herself up to standing! Plus meeting Grandpa for the first time.

Now: Recovering from foot surgery, still not sleeping through the night. Baby has Roseola and husband has pink eye!!!

This shit is crazy

 

But I love it

 

Now excuse me while I try to get caught up on some of your posts out there to see what else I’ve missed these last 8 months…